Update from Peggy 7.10.2011

It has been a while since I’ve written to you all. Sorry about that.

Busy with work is just the tip of the iceberg of the reasons why. However, I feel the need to let you know how awesome our Lord is in case you’ve forgotten. When we think He isn’t concerned with our little issues in life He has a way of letting us know He is always, always listening and working on our behalf. Saturday I was working and it was getting hot but I wanted to get the job finished up so I was pushing myself beyond safe in the heat. I was feeling lonely as my sisters had gone back to their lives after our vacation visit last week here at the house and I didn’t want to go home to the empty house yet.

I had decided to just let the load of yard debris go until Monday and then take it to the compost site but God had other ideas for me. I kept getting the impression I should just get it over with and go all the way into Sturgis and off load the truck so I could start fresh on Monday. So I did. While I was there I was struggling to get the limbs, brush, etc off the truck and I found myself delayed in that process. A man drove up next to me to unload while I was struggling with my load. It was one of Randy’s friends from school, a brother in Christ who is fighting the same kind of cancer Randy had. This man came to our house to comfort us when Randy was dying. We said hello to each other and I started to cry. I apologized to him for the tears and we began to talk. Who would of thought the Lord would send someone to comfort me in the heat and smell of the compost site? But He did.

He loves me so much. He knew what I needed and He sent my friend to help.He told me he missed reading this blog thing and he found strength and comfort from these few feeble words I throw out to you all on occasion. I had been thinking who really reads this anyway with all the things there are to read out there? Who reads the words I have to say? Well, if I write and this man is the only one who reads it then that is enough. Until he passes on into eternity I will try to be more faithful to write.

I have to say I came back home in a little better frame of mind. Still hot, tired and lonely but encouraged in my relationship with the Lord. I am so thankful I am the well-loved child of a father who knows and cares about my every need. He does the same for you. I said “Thank you,” came home and finished unloading the truck and getting it ready for work on Monday, took a shower and rested.

I feel better today. More able to go on with this single life I am living. I still don’t like it. I still wish it were different but it isn’t. I still want there to have been a different way the Lord could have done whatever it is He is working on in my life and those around me but there wasn’t. I still would like Him to give me an explanation but He hasn’t, at least not yet, maybe never this side of eternity.

I’m pretty sure it won’t matter much when I get to heaven so I choose to trust, rest and wait patiently as He has asked me to while He works out His plan for my life.Whatever He has for me and you will be whatever is needed to make us more like His son which is the purpose of it all anyway. Must be Randy “got it “easier and sooner than I am. I always have been a little tougher case to work on. My Mama would tell you if she were still here what a little pistol I was as a child. Bless her heart for holding onto her sanity while getting me raised up. So, no matter what place you find yourself today, the Lord knows you are there and has help on the way. Be sure to thank Him and tell Him how much you love Him. He likes that.

PeggyB

Peggy’s Update 6.19.2011

Dear Ones:

Today is Father’s Day.

My children have been struggling this year with this day. Last year it went by unnoticed due to the fact we were dealing with Mama ‘s death. This year my children are hurting over the loss of their dad. We always made a big deal out of celebrating and thanking Randy for all he did for us.We all miss his presence in our lives but I think our daughter misses him most as she was his princess, daddy’s little girl. I hear it is a thing between most fathers and daughters. I wish it were so for me and my daddy but it isn’t which makes the whole Father’s Day thing worse yet.

But enough of that sadness! Here is what the Lord has been working out in my life lately: When it comes to love be careful. Make sure where you are at concerning love is where God wants you to be. Until love is stirred, let God’s love be enough for you. There are seasons in life when God allows us to feel the frailty of human love so we’ll appreciate the strength of his love. Didn’t God do this with David? Saul turned on him. Michal, his wife, betrayed him. Jonathan and Samuel were his friends, but they couldn’t follow him into the wilderness. Betrayal and circumstances left David alone. Alone with God. And as David discovered, God was enough. David wrote these words in a desert time in his life:

“Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you…My soul will be satisfied as with richest of foods.”

Lately I have been thinking about what it would be like to have another someone special in my life to share my life with. I can honestly say it has just been a thought as I hit a wall of sorts in the thinking process. Last night as I lay in bed I realized that since I had given my life to the Lord I have been involved with a husband and the Lord, children and the Lord, church, neighbors, business acquaintances, family, friends and the Lord but never a time of just me and the Lord. I am thinking now that I will use this time where there is no one else in my house but me and the Lord to get to know Him, truly know Him as He has always wanted to let me know Him.

I have tucked Him into my life here and there as I serve Him where He has put me but I have just been too busy with everyone else to know Him as He wants me too. He has me in a desert place of sorts here on Grass Lake so I think I will ask Him to show me what it is about Himself He wants me to know. For starters, I know He is my Father and He loves me and will never leave nor forsake me. Right now I can’t see Him nor touch Him nor get a hug from Him but I can hear Him say He loves me. I can feel His presence in my life. Right now that is enough though a good hug would be awesome too. Grace, peace and mercy to you all. PeggyB

Peggy’s Update 6.8.2011

Dear Ones:

Isaiah 43:18-19 says: “Do not remember the former things,nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing.”

As I move into a new time in my life I find myself looking back at the events in the years behind me that have shaped and formed me into the person I am today. Some of them awesome and wonderful to remember and some of them not so much so. As I was talking to the one I call Daddy this past week I realized that his presence in my life has not nor probably ever will be a good thing. I had found myself looking back at the time our family was together when we were little children growing up in Oklahoma and Mama and Daddy were still together. Trying to remember a time we can truly say there was happiness and safety, love and respect for each other. When you are a child growing up in fear and violence that is all you know and call normal until you are away from it and see just how destructive it has been in your life. When you have someone treat you well and love you well, it is hard to accept anything less.I don’t think we are supposed to settle for less than what the good Lord died to give us.I can say I am so blessed to be here in this place but the road to here hasn’t been easy or pretty traveling.

As I was talking to Daddy I realized the time has come for me to let go of any hopes of restoration and move on. Time to move forward and let those harmful memories die.Time to move on and let that harmful relationship stop having any influence over me. Time to ask my Father for one more day full of His mercy and grace as He helps me to do so.I am asking for my Father to reveal to me the new thing He is working on for me.At least a glimmer of it so I can know I am on the right track, so I can hold on to the joy of it all as He continues to work in my life making all the changes necessary for the next thing He has for me to do for Him.I am asking my Father to bring the one who I call Daddy to see his need for salvation before it is too late. I am asking for mercy for that man. I am looking forward to the new thing my Lord is bringing my way. I have a feeling it is going to just blow my mind with the awesomeness of it all. It is going to have me on my knees sobbing with happiness and surprise over His goodness towards me. A new thing.Brand new just for me thing. What a wonderful Father He is! Peggy B

Peggy’s Update 6.6.2011

Dear Ones:

We can’t hold a gun to God and demand that He do what we say because we claim we have enough faith. Instead we have to trust Him, to believe He is all powerful, powerful enough to heal us or help us through our struggles. That is what true faith is all about.

These words come from a book I am reading, “What to pray when you don’t know what to pray.” I have returned from Oklahoma. This trip was the sixth one in I have made there in the past year. The visit this time was to see my family, as the one year anniversary of Mama’s death is the sixteenth of June, to attend my Daddy’s family reunion I haven’t been to in ten years, to go with him to Mama’s grave for a visit together and to have a heart to heart talk with him about some things the Lord had placed on my heart concerning the relationship my Daddy and I don’t have with each other.

I would like to be able to tell you all how wonderful it all played out and what a great future there is for the relationship but that would not be truth. However, I can say that there were some things settled in our relationship even if it wasn’t the way I had hoped and prayed for. That in itself is an answer to prayer.

I have to believe that the one I call Father is still able to do above and beyond all I can think, hope or believe concerning my Daddy and his family.I am so thankful for my salvation and the salvation of my children. I am so thankful we had the influence of godliness in our lives as we became our own little family.It is a frightening thing to see people grow old in trespasses and sin and what that does to your mind, heart and soul.

So, now I get back to work in Michigan and keep believing the Lord is working as only He can do to bring about the changes He wants in the lives of those I call family.Peace and blessings to you all today. PeggyB

Peggy’s Update 5.26.2011

Dear Ones:

Joshua 1:8-9
“Do according to all that is written in the book of the law for by doing so you will make your way prosperous and successful. ‘Have I not commanded you?’ says the Lord. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

My next turn at teaching the adult Sunday school class I will be teaching on the way God gives victory to us in our lives. The scripture I will be using is in the book of Joshua. He was born a slave in Egypt and when he is first mentioned in the Bible he is one of the twelve men Moses sends to spy out the land before the Israelites cross into it. He is very young, maybe in his late teens or early twenties, brave, fearless, optimistic, capable of following orders, a leader in the making. It would take long years of wandering around in the nearby desert, a series of unfortunate events caused by a generation who disobeyed the Lord, and the death of all of those who disbelieved in the promises of God before this man would step into the calling the Lord had for his life.

All of these events were being used by the Lord to train Joshua for the role he would play as he led the people of God into the promised land. Joshua is in his sixties and has become a man trained by the hardships that a life in the desert watching those ones you know and love die from lives of disobedience would bring.

When he begins to take his people into the land the Lord had promised them so many years before we would assume he is strong and fearless. I am not so sure of that. The people tell him they will do their part and be obedient to the commands of the Lord but they wanted him to be strong and courageous. They wanted to know he would be able to lead them fearlessly. Confidently. He is told to be strong and courageous several times by the Lord Himself. Why would those words be used if Joshua weren’t feeling a little afraid and shaky? Who but the Lord truly knows how we are feeling deep inside? Who but the Lord can give to us all we need as we step out and do what He is asking of us?

I want to be strong and courageous as I step out to serve the Lord in the place He has sent me don’t you? I don’t want to have people look at me and say “There she goes, that weak and wimpy woman who serves someone she calls God. Good luck, lady!”

NO! NO! NO! I want to be strong and courageous. With this comes a great promise from God. Strong, courageous, obedient equals prosperous and successful. Joshua was all of that in his life. It wasn’t an easy life nor will it be for us. He had to fight to grab hold of the things the Lord had promised him. Many battles. Many heartaches. Much loss along the way. With the battles came victories. With the losses came a deeper understanding of how important obedience to the Lord is. Victory. What a great word. Won by staying in the fights life brings our way.Never giving up but staying obedient to what the Lord is asking of us no matter what those around us may be doing. I don’t know about you ,dear ones, but I want to be able to hear “Well done, good and faithful servant” when life on this earth is over. I want the victory that comes from giving myself to the Lord and staying faithful to Him no matter what life brings to me.

PeggyB

Peggy’s Update 5.23.2011

Phillipians 4:8

“Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right.Think about things that are pure and lovely and dwell on the fine,good things in others.”

I had my granddaughter work with me a while back. I picked her up from school on a Friday with the plan being to play that afternoon and then get up and work planting flowers on Saturday. The weather had other ideas so we had to do the work on Friday right after school and play Saturday morning inside the house. As we were cleaning up and settling down for the night I told her I was just too tired to read to her that night and was that okay?
“Of course Gammie.You have been working a lot.
“Yes, I know I have.”
“You’re still gonna pray aren’t you?”

Since our children were babies and then when the grands started coming along we have prayed with them at night.It helps to clear the air of the days strife and struggles between each other. It helps to get their minds off themselves and onto friends, family and others we know who are in need. So praying at night at Gammies is part of their heritage, part of their memories of what you do at Gammies and Gampies house.

The question is always asked “What do we need to pray about?” There is nothing too small or big or awful or silly to pray about.I just know the God of heaven loves this time and is always pleased to hear the innocent and sometimes frighteningly grownup requests asked of Him.

“Do you want to pray or do you want me to pray?”
“You pray Gammie.”

I have tried to not let the grands see the utter despair and loss, tears and sadness I have been feeling in the past year or so but I also haven’t hid from them the tears when they come.This last time with Kaylynn, as I was gathering up the requests in my head so I wouldn’t forget anything and then settling into pray, I wasn’t two words from the start when she said “Oh! Don’t forget to pray for Gampie in heaven!” For some reason that just did me in that time. We always talk and pray for Gampie so this is nothing new but that night I just broke up over that sweet little voice asking for prayer for Gampie.

As I sat there choking back the tears and sobs, I felt her starting to become afraid. She saw on my face what I had been trying so hard not to let them see. Pure, heartbreaking grief. I told her I was sorry and not to be afraid but sometimes when I think of Gampie I cry and it makes me sad to think about him sometimes. That is when she said, ” It’s okay. You just need to think about good things, happy things.”

Simple as that. Think about good and happy things. Sweet and pure things. Lovely and fine things. Just think about her I told myself and the boys and all we have to teach each other in this lifetime. Think about what heritage I will leave to them past this time of grief and regrouping. Think about how many more times we will get to pray at night and ask each other “How can I help you in your life? What can we teach each other as we pray and ask the Lord we believe in to help us in our lives?” Oh my! What a precious time is that time of prayer when we can think on good things.When one of the pure and lovely things of this life is lying right there in front of you it truly is easier to think about moving forward with purpose.

Peace today.

PeggyB

Peggy’s Update 5.19.2011

Dear Ones:

Nehemiah 2:17 “Then I said to those who were with me,”You see the distress that we are in, how Jerusalem lies waste, and its gates are burned with fire.Come, and let us build the walls… ”

In the bible, in the book of Nehemiah (named after the author) you will find a man whose heart is sorrowful because of a report he received about his people the Jews and how they were living after a time of siege and captivity. The report he heard brought him to tears and a time of mourning for his kinsmen.He had such a heavy burden for them that he sought the Lord about what he could and should do to help.Being a captive himself he was unable to leave anytime he wanted and he had no resources of his own to work with so he prayed and asked the Lord to direct him as to what he could do to help.

Here is his prayer: O Lord God! O great and awesome God who keeps his promises and is so loving and kind to those who love and obey him! Hear my prayer! Listen carefully to what I say! Look down and see me praying night and day for your people Israel. I confess that we have sinned against you, yes, I and my people have committed the horrible sin of not obeying the commandments you gave us through your servant Moses.Oh please remember what you told Moses.You said “If you sin, I will scatter you among the nations, but if you return to me and obey my laws, even though you are exiled to the farthest corners of the universe, I will bring you back to Jerusalem. For Jerusalem is the place in which I have chosen to live.” O Lord, we are your servants, the people you rescued by your great power. O Lord, please hear my prayer! Heed the prayers of those who delight to honor you. Please help me now as I go and ask the king for a great favor-put it in his heart to be kind to me.”

After some time in fasting, praying, weeping and planning, Nehemiah had a workable plan in mind. All he needed was the o.k. from the king to put the plan into action. The Lord answered Nehemiah’s prayer and he was able to go to Jerusalem and help his people rebuild the walls around the city of Jerusalem. You may be asking what does this have to do with anything I have going on in my world today? Who cares! Good for Nehemiah! Now help me here and now, Lord!

That is my point. The God of Nehemiah is as able and willing to help us today as He was in Nehemiah’s time. We have to be willing to do our part for Him to do His.We have to listen and obey the commands He has given to each of us as individuals and all of us together as His church.. He has to fulfill the promises He has made to those who do so otherwise He would be a liar and we know He does not,no cannot lie for there is no shadow of turning in Him. No deceit. No falseness. He will do as He says He will do concerning those who love Him.

That is why I am praying this prayer over my family before I leave for Oklahoma in June. I need and want His direction on what to say when I get there. I want and need His provision for the trip. I am asking my Lord to give to me a small bit of time alone with mt Daddy and to put into my Daddy’s heart a willingness to listen to the words the Lord places in my mouth.I am asking for the anger and hurt handed down from generation to generation to be neutralized so we can be in the here and now, dealing with the things of the here and now.I am afraid to some degree as I have attempted to talk, reason and hope for some semblance of a healthy relationship in the past to no good end. However, if I have learned anything this past year and a half it is we have no idea when and how our time on earth is over. We have no idea if we will get the second it will take to ask the Lord for forgiveness before we take our last breath and enter eternity. So, I am not letting fear have a part in this time I have with my Daddy. I know the Lord is sending me to him. I know I am responsible for the going and the telling.

My prayer is for restoration of my Daddy to the Lord and to our family.It is going to take an outright miracle. That is what I am praying for and expecting from the One I call Father. I want Him to have the honor He deserves as one more lost soul accepts the work He has done to rescue and rebuild the lives of us lost ones. He did it for Nehemiah , He can do it for Peggy, He can do it for you, dear ones. Just ask Him to restore the waste places in your life.Get ready for a miracle.

PeggyB

Peggy’s Update 5.17.2011

Dear Ones:

Yikes! What a month it has been!

May is usually busy but for some reason this year it just seems to be crazy busy. Maybe it’s because I am another year older and the work is taking its’ toll on the body. I don’t know. Came home last night, unloaded the truck from the days work, mowed the lawn, took a shower, ate a bite of food and dropped over on the couch until I woke up at eleven to go to bed.Now I am looking at another full day of work that I am not too excited about doing. However, after today this ongoing, nasty little job I have been picking away at on and off for a month will be finished as far as I am concerned. The homeowner says she will finish up the rest of it.Okay fine with me.

I am traveling to Oklahoma for four days the first of June. My purpose for going is to see my Dads’ side of the family at their yearly family reunion. Last time I was able to make it to this reunion was ten years ago.Also I want to be in Oklahoma as the year anniversary of Mama’s death comes up. I also have this raging desire to get my Daddy aside and have a talk with him about a couple of things the Lord has put on my heart concerning me and him and our relationship which is non-existent at this time. Now I don’t know if things will work out the way I am praying they will but I feel I have to try one more time concerning the relationship with my Daddy. Time is getting short for him and he needs the Lord in his life. I would ask that any of you who read this blog would pray for him that he would be open to listening to me as I say the things the Lord leads me to say. Who knows but this may be his time to believe? I know that the Lord I serve and love is in the business of winning. He is no stranger to having victory in His life and He desires for us to have the same. We just have to believe, trust and do the part He asks us to whether it seems foolish to us or not. I serve the Lord of the unreasonable requests and it is exciting!

Now, up and out into the work world. God bless and keep you all. PeggyB

Peggy’s Update 5.12.2011

Ephesians 3:20 “Now glory be to God who by His mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would even dare to ask or even dream of, infinitely beyond our highest prayers,desires,thoughts or hopes.

Dear Ones: I was at a job site Wednesday replacing rotted out landscape timbers. I came to a place of indecisiveness concerning how to cut an angle at a corner along the walkway. It truly had me stumped. Thankfully, the neighbor was home and he is a man I have known for years so I asked him to advise me. As we were talking and working out the best way to cut the corner one of the subjects we covered was what makes you happy. I told him I had not allowed myself to even ask that question in the past year or so. I gave him some flippant, cutesy answer just so I wouldn’t have to go too deep thinking about it all.

A year ago, having my life back to what it was with Randy would have been my answer. Today, I am thinking about what would make me happy now that I don’t have Randy here. I still don’t have an answer really. What makes me happy? Is my happiness completely gone because Randy isn’t here? Because my mother isn’t here? Because I have to “do life alone”? Is this as good as it gets for Peggy? If this is what my life is too be from here on out it isn’t so bad really. I live in a wonderful little piece of heaven called Grass Lake, I have a healthy, happy family who are all employed. I have work to do which I enjoy doing. I have more than enough of the bare necessities of life and plenty of extras too. I am healthy, though aging. I am loved. I am safe. I have good friends. But most of all I have and know I have a loving Father who is doing above and beyond all I can think, hope or imagine concerning my family, me and my life here on earth.

What would your answer be if someone asked you what makes you happy? If you want to know the truth of it all, I was at a loss of words for an answer for this man as it has been a long time since anyone has asked me what makes me happy. Even Randy. I guess I haven’t allowed myself to think about the happiness factor as it has always seemed a bit selfish to me for me to be happy. I have always let my happiness come from making someone else happy. Well, if the good Lord will help me (and He will) I think I am ready to start finding out what makes me truly, deeply happy. I can hardly wait to see what He has for me!

Grace, peace, mercy and happiness to you all today.Peggy B

Peggy’s Update 5.8.2011

DEAR ONES:

MY FIRST MOTHERLESS DAY. SOME OF THE SIBS CALLED AND WE TALKED TO EACH OTHER THROUGHOUT THE DAY. ALL OF US ARE HAVING A STRUGGLE HERE AND THERE IN OUR LIVES WITH THE MAMA BEING GONE. WE’LL SURVIVE, BUT BOY DO WE MISS HER AND HOW SHE TOOK CARE OF US IN HER OWN SPECIAL WAY. EACH OF US DIFFERENTLY. EACH OF US AS WE NEEDED HER TO.

THIS WEEK HAS ALSO FOUND ME DEALING WITH THE SELLING OF THE MUSTANG. RANDY SPENT SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT TAKING IT FROM A PIECE OF JUNK DRAGGED IN FROM A BARN AND TURNING IT INTO A REAL TREASURE. HE TOLD ME TO KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY AND TAKE CARE OF IT FOR ALL OF US TO USE AND ENJOY. HE HAD NO IDEA HOW FINANCES WOULD CHANGE AFTER HE PASSED. HE WAS THE ONE WHO KNEW HOW TO WORK ON STUFF AND KEEP IT RUNNING NOT ME.

SO, A HARD DECISION HAD TO BE MADE: KEEP IT AND RUN IT INTO THE GROUND, LETTING IT FALL APART LITTLE BY LITTLE OR FIND SOMEONE WHO WOULD BE ABLE TO ENJOY IT AND HAVE THE FINANCES TO TAKE CARE OF IT AS IT SHOULD BE TAKEN CARE OF. I HAVE GOTTEN OVER THE FEELING GUILTY PART OF IT ALL. I HAVE GOTTEN OVER THE FEELING I HAVE LET HIM DOWN SOMEHOW. I HAVE BECOME MORE ABLE TO DECIDE AND DO. DECIDE AND DO—WITHOUT TOO MUCH EMOTIONAL UPHEAVAL.

SOMETIMES LIFE COMES DOWN TO SURVIVAL SO WE DO WHAT WE HAVE TO DO TO SURVIVE. I TELL MYSELF IT’S OKAY. IT’S GOING TO BE OKAY. THIS IS NOT WISHFUL THINKING ON MY PART, JUST ME GIVING MYSELF A PEP TALK. A REALITY CHECK. LIFE GOES ON WHETHER WE WANT IT TO OR NOT. LIFE KEEPS ROLLING AT YOU DAY BY DAY AND WE DO HAVE THE ABILITY TO ADAPT,ADJUST, MOVE ON WITH IT, TO CHOOSE HOW WE DO LIFE BEYOND LOSS AND TRAGEDY. SOMETIMES WE NEED A LITTLE TIME TO GET BACK ON OUR FEET AND GIVE IT ANOTHER TRY. SOMETIMES WE NEED TO LET SOME THINGS GO SO WE CAN MOVE ON.

I FIND MYSELF GETTING DOWN TO THE NEXT LEVEL OF FINE TUNING MY LIFE AND ELIMINATING SOME MORE OF THE UNNECESSARY THINGS WE THINK WE SO BADLY NEED TO LIVE HERE ON EARTH. I MISS MY HUSBAND. I MISS MY MAMA. I AM GLAD I WILL SEE THEM AGAIN AFTER I TOO HAVE PASSED FROM THIS LIFE TO THE NEXT ONE. I AM GLAD THERE WILL BE NO HARD DECISIONS OR HARD CHOICES TO BE MADE THERE. NO MORE SADNESS, NO MORE TEARS. THANK THE LORD FOR THAT.

I AM HEADING TO BED. ANOTHER BUSY WORK WEEK LOOMS AND I AM GLAD FOR IT. PEACE AND LOVE TO YO ALL,
PEGGYB